Sibling Loss: Shared Grief After Abortion
Updated: Nov 19, 2020
October was always a tough month for me. Even though I would not be born for 9 more months, October was when I became alive, distinct, and human. Normally this would be a happy concept so what about October brings such a heaviness to my heart?
It was almost sixteen years later when I learned my conception was not a joyful one. My mom felt I was at an age where I was finally ready to know the truth. She tearfully shared with me something she herself was still struggling to heal from: she was a victim of rape and became pregnant.
Thankfully, my biological father and his actions did not strip me or my mother from a beautiful life. She chose life for me even though she was alone. Because of the situation all the other voices justified abortion because it might be an easier path, we are both so grateful she didn’t because I gotta say, I’m pretty awesome!
Of course there was pain in learning this truth. This tragically beautiful knowledge would later bring light to deeper truths which would not pull any punches. Over the years, I’ve been able to come to terms and find great peace about my past and who I’ve chosen to become despite my origins. But I didn’t and couldn’t do it alone. I had help!
I met the founder of Even This Way, Krista Corbello, several years ago as we shared our family traumas over brunch. Little did we know how much our shared pain would play a part in sewing our hearts together. I’m both proud and honored to be her friend and support her mission she has only begun to embark on. Even This Way wants to walk with sibling survivors' on their path to forgiveness and peace.
Even This Way wants to walk with sibling survivors' on their path to forgiveness and peace.
Forgiveness to Families
Abortion hurts all members of the family. The aborted child and the mother are the ones most often talked about. But what about the fathers and the siblings? I’ve seen some pretty good support and prayer groups for post-abortive fathers pop up in recent years, but there has been very little awareness and conversation about the pain and confusion this loss can also have on sibling survivors. Do they not also experience grief? Do they not experience anger toward their God or their parents? Because abortion is an act of violence upon the entire family, the entire family is in need of forgiveness.
Compassion to Communities
This ministry and outreach was born out a desire to help others who, like myself, were considered for abortion and/or have aborted siblings. I have reason to believe my mom was not the only victim of my biological father’s actions, and it’s very likely few of them chose the same path my mother did - life for her child. One of the most helpful things for me on my journey of healing has been to share my story with compassionate listeners and to connect with those who can not only understand but also relate. Because our experiences are similar, so is our grief. And it’s so extremely important to know and be reminded that we are not alone in our suffering.
"Because our experiences are similar, so is our grief."
Healing to the Hurting
Healing takes many forms. Every person is different with their own unique stories and experiences. Healing for me may not look the same or be at the same pace as healing for my neighbor. And that’s okay! It’s not a contest and can look and feel however we need it to. Some heal by sharing, some by writing, some by creative expression through art and music. For me it’s all three and more! We are complicated beings, so our path to wholeness isn’t a step-by-step plan with an outline. Taking it one day at a time hand-in-hand with those who are there to offer help and support will make all the difference.